Nausea
by LittleBritainFanatic
Summary: When the Boys come across the space equivalent of turbulence, it effects someone quite badly. Comfort ensues. CL. Do not read if you have emetophobia.


When Rimmer burst into Lister and Cat's bunk-room without bothering to knock, he was met by the usual sight. Lister was deeply asleep, flat on his back and snoring lightly. But that was normal - the human always snored - but what made Rimmer stare, and cross his arms impatiently, was that the bed (not switched to double bed mode, Rimmer noted) had another occupant: the Cat. His hair was free of its usual ridiculous style, and it fanned most of Lister's chest (which was bare) as he rested his head on it.

Shaking his head until his vision blurred, Rimmer managed to remind himself why he was there, rather than just staring in disgust at the two love-birds, as he so patronisingly called them, cuddled up together. He needed to tell Lister his news, and, remembering what Kryten had told him, he knew he had to tell him as soon as possible.

Giving the bed another quick glance, Rimmer saw that the human was still asleep. But, Rimmer thought with a wicked grin on his face, that was just too smegging bad. It was time for Lister and Cat to get up, whether they liked it or not. Going over to Lister's sleeping form, Rimmer fixed his face into a stern glare, and leaned down until he was almost kissing the human's ear, before yelling at the top of his voice.

"LISTER! WAKE UP, YOU LAZY SMEGHEAD!"

Rimmer struggled to hide his satisfied smile as both of the bed's occupants jumped violently, looking terrified. Lister gave rather high pitched scream for a man, and tumbled out of bed, pulling Cat with him. Panting, they both realised that there was no threat, and looked up to find a smug hologram standing over them. If looks could kill, Rimmer would have died for a second time at that moment.

"What was that for, Rimmer?" Lister snapped indignantly, getting backed up with a 'Yeah, Alphabet-Head!' from the equally smegged off Cat. "You could have given me a smegging heart attack."

"And just look at what you've done to my pyjamas!" Cat cried in horror, pointing to a tear in the crotch of his navy, yellow polka-dotted pyjama bottoms.

"Big smegging deal," Rimmer said dismissively, with more than a hint of irritation in his voice, trying to turn the conversation back to Lister. But Cat made that impossible.

"Big deal? Big deal?" He yelled in disbelief. "These are my favourite pyjamas - I'd just got them customised and ironed to perfection - and now their ruined." His voice was high pitched and whiny, making him sound much like a teenage girl having a tantrum.

"Hey," Lister said gently, putting his arm around Cat's shoulders to hug him. "I can fix them later for you," He smiled seductively, and (although Cat knew that Lister couldn't sew to save his life, and so would rather die than let the human near his sewing kit, for fear of damage to his clothes), Cat found himself imagining Lister sewing up his trousers whilst he was still wearing them, thinking particularly hard about where the human's hands would be. Suddenly feeling a lot happier, Cat leaned in to kiss Lister, who returned the gesture.

Rimmer turned away, struggling not to vomit after he saw Lister's hand move down to Cat's groin, nimbly sliding his fingers through the rip in his pyjama bottoms. Not wanting this to get out of hand, the hologram coughed loudly, and Lister and Cat, realising that he was still there, pulled apart, looking flustered and more than a little embarrassed.

Lister looked up at Rimmer, not knowing what to say. Eventually, he came out with an "Er..."

Rimmer sighed. "Just come on, Lister, Kryten's found something rather important that you need to see."

Struggling to his feet, Lister picked up his T-shirt and trousers from where he'd left them on the floor, and pulled them on. He then followed the hologram through _Starbug_ and into the cockpit. He smiled gratefully at Rimmer, who gave Lister a puzzled look in return. Rimmer couldn't be bothered to pursue it.

When they entered the cockpit, Kryten jumped to his feet and immediately began to babble at the human. "Oh, Mr Lister, sir, I've found a big problem on the navicomp," He panicked, whimpering the way he always did when he was worried about something.

"What is it, Krytes?" Lister asked.

He only half listened as the mechanoid told him all about a nearby star about to go supernova. Apparently, when it did so, the force of the explosion was going to cause shock waves to speak out into space in every direction, and the _'Bug _was heading straight for them.

"so, you see, Sir," Kryten continued. "I don't know what to do: should we change course to avoid it (which could take days for us to get back on our original course) or carry on in this direction and hit the shock waves?"

Lister sighed, sitting down in his usual seat. "Well," he said, not really interested. He was trying far too hard to not think about what he and Cat had been doing earlier, and what they could have done if they hadn't been interrupted. He shook his head quickly, not wanting his body to react in a way that Rimmer would never let him forget.

Kryten mistook his hesitation for confusion. "Well, Mr Lister, if we go around it, our search for_ Red Dwarf_ will be delayed for about three days, but if we go through the waves, _Starbug_ will experience bad turbulence for at least twenty four hours."

"Would this turbulence damage the ship in any way?" Rimmer asked.

"Other than churning the milk supplies into cheese, Sir, no," Kryten explained. "Although it may make Mr Lister and the Cat feel rather unwell for a while."

Rimmer grinned. "Great, then," he said wickedly. "we'll carry on on the original course." He saw Lister's face and said mockingly, "I do hope you don't get space sick, Listy."

After telling the hologram to smeg off, Lister looked up as Cat entered the cockpit, having got ready amazingly fast for a _felis sapien, _and grinned.

"Hey, man," He reached upwards to give Cat (who smelled strongly of toothpaste and aftershave) a kiss, and took his hand as the feline joined him at the controls. Behind them, Kryten smiled warmly, and Rimmer grimaced.

"I must say, Mr Cat, sir," Kryten said. "You're looking particularly happy this morning. "

Cat turned around in his seat and grinned at the mechanoid. "That's because a certain someone's happy to see me, bud." He turned back around to face forwards, unable to stop his eyes, directed at the human, drifting downwards.

Rimmer shuddered openly as he realised what Cat meant, and could only hope he was lying. However, he didn't have time to reply, for Lister spotted something and cut him off.

"Hey guys," he said, panicking slightly. "We're about to hit the first wave."

It was like noting any of them had feared - the ship didn't rip apart, and they didn't get whiplash. They just jolted slightly in their seats, and, though it did make Lister's stomach feel a bit weird, it was totally bearable.

On the other hand, it seemed to affect Cat quite badly. The repetitive motion made his whole body seem to spin, and Cat's stomach churned uncomfortably. He hated feeling like this; it wasn't like a cool cat like him to feel unwell. Staring straight ahead, Cat leaned back against the seat, feeling himself break out in a cold sweat. Great, he thought bitterly, now he was going to have to take a shower.

"Cat, man?" Lister was touching his arm, looking into his eyes. Cat wanted to look at him in return, but taking his eyes away from the windscreen made him feel far too sick to risk it.

"Oh dear, Sir," Kryten said, moving to stand on Cat's other side. "Are you being affected by the shock wave?"

Cat nodded, clamping his lips together as vomit rose in his throat.

"Cat?" Lister sounded worried.

"Cat?" Rimmer sounded faintly amused.

"Mr Cat, sir?" Kryten sounded confused, but he still knew what was going to happen.

And it did. Hunching forwards, Cat's cheeks bulged as he was overwhelmed by the urge to vomit, and, before he could stop himself, he threw up all over the control panel. As Lister rubbed his back and Kryten panicked, Cat finally stopped vomiting, and sat very still, his heart pounding, stomach acid dribbling down his chin. Cat felt like crying - not because he felt so lousy, but because he'd just ruined his suit.

"Are you okay, man?" Lister asked cautiously, his hand still resting on the small of Cat's back.

Cat only dared to answer a few seconds later, when_ Starbug_ left the shock wave, and they were all still again.

"Not really, Bud," Cat slurred slightly as he spoke. "It's gonna take hours to clean this suit - and I'd just got it perfect."

Lister sighed in exasperation. "Not your suit, you idiot. I meant how do you feel?"

"How do you think he feels, Lister?" Rimmer interjected, looking at the human like he was an idiot. "He's just got severely motion sick and projectile vomited over the cockpit. He's not exactly going to be feeling amazingly well, now is he?"

"Smeg off, Rimmer," Lister scowled at him. Taking the handkerchief out of Cat's top pocket, Lister carefully wiped the Cat's face clean for him, and them repeated the question, softly.

Cat shook his head in reply, unable to sum up how dreadful her felt in words. Of course, he'd been space sick before (almost everyone had), but it had never left him feeling so totally weak and drained. And he was shivering too, how pathetic was that?

"I'm sorry, sirs," Kryten said, coming over and taking the controls from Lister, who had forgotten to actually steer the ship now Cat was sick. "but we'll be hitting another shock wave in ten minutes." He saw the Cat grimace, and felt immensely sorry for him.

"Ten minutes?" Cat tried not to think about feeling so nauseated again, lest it made him physically sick.

Suddenly, the ship began to shake again, as the ship hit another shock wave.

"Oh, dear," Kryten smiled sheepishly. "I appear to have misread the navicomp, sirs. It actually said ten seconds - I do apologise."

"I think we've got bigger things to worry about than your miscalculations, Kryters," Lister said over loud retches, as the Cat threw up again. As Cat had such dark skin, it wasn't actually possible for him to go pale, but, Lister noted, his face had just turned a strange shade of grey.

"Just get him out of here, Lister, before he's sick again," Rimmer said, taking the controls from Kryten, who was grateful, as it gave him the chance to clean up the vomit covered cockpit.

Lister happily obliged - if Cat was feeling like smeg, he at least wanted to look after him properly.

"Okay. Come on, Cat," Lister stood up, feeling a bit sick himself, and loosely gripped Cat under the arms, pulling him to his feet too. Cat's legs trembled badly, and Lister found himself having to take most of the feline's weight for him. Steering Cat through and out of the cockpit, Lister did his best to feel encouraging, by murmuring things like "Nearly there," and "Good man," and "Nice and slowly,".

When they passed through the kitchen, Lister had a sudden flash of inspiration, and grabbed a large, empty bowl off of the draining board. Kryten probably wouldn't be too impressed when he found the Cat using his salad bowl as a sick bowl, but, Lister thought, what the smeg? It was better to ruin the bowl than the floor.

This came in handy only a minute later, when Cat's stomach lurched again. But this time, Lister held the bowl under Cat's chin, keeping a tight grip on his arm to stop him toppling over. When he'd finished, Cat smiled weakly at the human.

"Thanks, bud,"

Lister clapped his hand against Cat's shoulder, grinning back. "it's nothing, man,"

Cat collapsed to his knees as they entered their shared bunk-room, exhausted. Trying to be as quick as he could, Lister left the feline with the bowl, and ran across the room. Quickly, Lister switched Cat's bunk to double -bed -mode, and grabbed a can of lemonade from their mini fridge. Cat was vomiting again when he went back over, and it took them both most of their remaining strength to get him to the bed.

Once they got there, Lister sat Cat on the edge of the bed, and carefully removed his vomit-stained blazer for him. This was a bad sign, Lister noted: Cat should have been complaining about Lister creasing the fabric up, but he was silent. After taking Cat's shoes off for him, Lister helped him under the covers, and quickly joined him. Lister helped Cat to sit upright by propping him up with pillows, and then handed him the can of lemonade, having opened it for him. Cat took a long, slow sip, and grinned weakly at the human.

"Thanks, bud," he repeated.

Lister put his arm around him. "Its alright, man, you - oh, smeg!" Lister suddenly cried as Cat threw up yet again, meaning they had hit another shock wave. "Are you okay, man?"

Cat looked at him, his eyes watering. Glancing around him, he took in his bed, his provisions and his Lister, and began to smirk.

"I am now," he said, and Lister leaned in to kiss his clammy forehead.

Things didn't seems so bad after all, Cat decided, even with the vomiting - especially as Lister's hand moved back to his groin, promising to finish what he had started earlier. Cat happily obliged.


End file.
